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The Big Creepy Gaijin

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Museklok [Jul. 9th, 2009|10:13 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |contemplativecontemplative]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Tom Waits - Diamonds On My Windshield]

I hear that in some inner-city 7-11 locations they've started blaring Beethoven through loudspeakers in the parking lots to keep the hoods from hanging out there - and that it's working.

What I'm wondering is what they're going to do when all that glorious Ludwig Van starts attracting Droogs instead!

Real horrorshow.
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Zombieklok [Jun. 25th, 2009|06:47 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |blahMeh]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Henry Mancini - Theme From The Pink Panther]

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Pixar movies?

A: Pixar movies can still touch little kids.

This flagrantly tasteless joke has been brought to you by the fact that I don't really give a damn. I mean, Thriller was a good song and all, but come on; the man's practically been a walking corpse for the last 10 years anyway.

And that's all I have to say about that.
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DethRevolt [Jun. 18th, 2009|01:44 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |amusedCrotchety]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Kick Axe - Hunger]

OK, so occasionally there's a topic or news story that gets so many people talking about in on their webpages (because they're webpages, not blogs, you pretentious cocksuckers - web 2 point 0, my left nut) that LJ sends out emails offering big cash awards to people who mention them.*

Today's topic, as you've probably guessed, is that big election hoo-ha over in Persia. Oh, excuse me, Iran. And you're probably wondering, what's his opinion? What kind of crackpot rant is he gonna go on this time? Will there be ice cream?

The answer is no.

Because I don't really give half a flying fuck.

"But how can you not care?," you ask. "People are suffering and dying over there!" The answer is simple: I don't care because it doesn't affect me or anyone in my monkeysphere. People suffer and die every second of every minute of every day, because the world is not a nice place. Beautiful, mysterious, magnificent, wondrous...but not nice. It's made of blood and stone and shit and dirt, and most people can't handle that.

Hey, at least I'm honest. A good 80% of the people twittering their brains out over this issue will forget about it and move on when the press tells them what they should be outraged about next week.

Besides, I have confidence in the Persians. If they've got even the tiniest shred of their ancestors in them - the ancestors who fuckstomped their way across half a continent and were the absolute terrors of the ancient world - then they'll do alright. If people want to revolt, I say give them guns. Thomas Jefferson was on the money there.

...Well, crap. I guess there was a crackpot rant in there after all. Free ice cream for everybody!!

*=For legal purposes I should probably state that LJ does not actually do this. But in case any of the admins are reading, it's definitely an idea deserving of consideration.
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DethMonkey [Jun. 1st, 2009|05:58 am]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |gigglygiggly]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |MONKEY YODELING]

This is officially the funniest thing I have seen in years.

I HAVE SPOKEN.
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Dethblurb XII: Beyond Thunderdome [May. 20th, 2009|09:55 am]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |annoyedMildly annoyed]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Tom Waits - Jesus Gonna Be Here]

Reason #2,467 I hate the news: I swear to cheese, the next time I hear the phrase "only 185 million dollars" I'm going to smash something round, firm, and hollow with a sledgehammer.

Good thing I loaded up on cantaloupe!
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DethLiberty [May. 8th, 2009|12:53 am]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |contemplativecontemplative]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Pain - Same Old Song]

OK, so, I know that this bill probably won't even make it to the Senate, but the fact that it would be proposed in the first place unsettles me a bit.

The pussification of America continues....
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DethReminder [Apr. 29th, 2009|07:13 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |annoyedannoyed]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Jonathan Coulton - Still Alive]

FACT:

36,000 people die of influenza every year in the United States alone.

Yes, you read that right - thirty-six thousand.

So quit acting like a bunch of fucking babies just because some Mexicans couldn't afford proper healthcare.

Also - TEN OF MY KINGDOMS AND 3 BILLION REPUBLIC CREDITS TO ANYONE WHO CAN GET THAT MINI-SIRLOIN-BURGERS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD WITHOUT REPLACING IT WITH SOMETHING WORSE.

That is all.
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DethWisdom [Apr. 27th, 2009|12:23 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |contentcontent]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Jeff Beck - Bulgaria]

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

This truth is universal.
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DethPolitico [Apr. 15th, 2009|06:34 pm]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |Isengard]
[I'm |amusedamused]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Dragonforce - Heartbreak Armageddon]

OK, so am I the only one who thinks it's goddamned hilarious that the same super-conservatives who are ranting about "our anti-American, islamo-communist traitor-in-chief" are the same ones who, four years ago, were ranting about how all Americans needed to stand behind the president no matter what he says or does; just because he holds the office?

'Cause I really hope I'm not.
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DethSeasons [Apr. 13th, 2009|03:32 am]
The Big Creepy Gaijin
[Current Location |The Lab]
[I'm |frustratedfrustrated]
[Song Currently Stuck in my Head |Tom Waits - Dirt In the Ground]

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK I HATE THE SPRING.
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